Wednesday, April 04, 2007

blog

okay so i shall blog, but i doubt anyone will read. nowadays i feel so EMO. and often have moodswings. on monday i cried on the way to piano. then i think i am so irritating that i am irritated by myself. i cry so easily and i get so stressed. so tensed for God-knows-what reason. i think some of my juniors don't like me! okay nevermind, i know i am not likeable. argh what am i talking about! when did i become so paranoid? argh. PMS is bad you know. i like to sleep. i can forget all my troubles and have fun dreams. haha. but you see, i hate to wake up. sometimes i just wish i can stone at home and listen to MCR! i am listening now! for your info, i love MCR okay! you think only tanya like isit. nono. we share. but i am sure tanya will not want to but anyway, i have no idea why samantha and marcia keep saying that i am CUTE!? i am not okay! i am.. well, weird. yes, i think many agree right. i think i should talk less, just sit there like a statue and during sectionals i shouldn't say anything. i think i have no authority. sometimes, i think some juniors think i am talking crap. argh, i am paranoid k?! why har? i should change. i shouldn't be so talkative and i shall not be hyper.

i am supposed to study for EMATHS! oh no! i got full marks for my physics test. are you happy? 'cause i am. i rock, i know that, thankyou. i feel so sad all of a sudden. maybe because of many things. my O levels, then my family, and band and friends. and the class. well, is it so hard to fit in? why do i care? can't i just let it go and not care? my mum don't allow me to go online and blog. and now i am so stressed. i just shouted at my mum. and now i am pissed off with myself. i want to murder people. oh no, God, help me.

everyday, i would go home with aqila, sometimes, i am super high, but i know i shouldn't be. there's nothing for me to be happy about. when i think too much, it disturbs me. i have no one to talk to really. because everyone has their own problems. so i can't possibly tell them my problems and expect them to think that my problem is so important. so what do i do? i keep all to myself. one day, (like now) i will burst. i will explode. for all the things i've done, they were never appreciated. what for do them? i will only look like an idiot. on monday, i experienced how's it like to commit suicide. i was walking along the pp way and then this lorry or truck zoomed past me. the vehicle was only about 5cm from me. it could have just knock me down or something. then i got a shock of my life. i realised how afraid i am, to die.

i feel so emo. grrrrrr. no i must be happy, i must bring happiness to my friends especially my fellow DMTers. ha. i hope our friendship will last forever forever forever and forever. but everytime i feel so super high, i feel so fake, like when i am alone, i'll think that i am actually not that high. grrr, i am hungry. sight of people makes me feel sad. why can't live without worries? i want to be free.

whoever, whatever. hello, goodbye.
this person was online @ 9:20 PM