Tuesday, November 25, 2008

I am upset. Now. Immediately. Right now.

Upset.
Not because of my mum or whoever. But because this particular girl who ignored me. I’ve also not ignored her for so long before. While I am doing my stuffs now, I feel so helpless. I want to chat with her, but I have already told her that I’ll not chat with her. I will not take back my words. Therefore, my heart now feels very very suffocated. I can’t tell anyone how I feel. I realize that I can’t tell anyone except her. But, I can’t chat with her. She is ignoring me. I’ve never ever felt so upset in such a quick moment. Suddenly my whole heart felt as if it sank into the deep deep deep grounds. I’ve never cried until I am so sad. And I find no motivation to do exco stuffs anymore. No motivation. My motivation is upset and ignoring me. I am so scared.

I don’t want to be abandoned.
Alone.
I am scared. Can anyone help me?

I am afraid of the meeting tomorrow. I am worried that I will lose my way. My guide and guardian seems to be slowly disappearing. Where is she?
Where are YOU?
this person was online @ 11:28 PM

Friday, November 14, 2008

Friendships.
Some people are not worth to remember, some are not. I am not trying to sound mean or anything. What I am trying to say is that I treasure every one of my friends who were once close. Some prefers to keep a distance from me after a while, and I am depressed.

Reasons for being so down: because I feel that this friendship has changed. We were once close, but now, we’re just hi-bye friends? Or at times, not acknowledging each other.

This post, is, dedicated for my friend, whom shall be unnamed. I hope you’re reading this, my friend. ((:

Well, I’ve known this friend for almost a year; since the beginning of this year. I won’t say that our friendship has been very close, but at least we hang out and go for lessons together.

As you know, I am not a very outgoing person and have bad social EQ. Haha. True! So as time passes by, we were kinda separated, because of the UNIQUE Singapore educational system. RAWR. My friend seems to be very comfortable and happy with her new friends. I am glad for her.

At first, we still acknowledge each other often and talk to each other. But just a few months back, I realised that we don’t say ‘Hi’ or wave anymore. I don’t know why, I thought, perhaps my friend did not see me or perhaps she just pretended to not see me. I did not take it so seriously at that time and walked off.

Now, as I self reflect, I can tell you friend, I have not done much as a friend. Maybe that’s the reason why you don’t want to approach me. Yes, I do have fault in this matter. Maybe I just dunno how to treasure my friends… hmmm, I can still remember, you bought me a gift when you went for holidays. I was really thankful that you still thought of me. Before we parted into different classes, you wrote me a post card to assure me that we’ll still stay in contact often even though our workload will be heavy. You also wrote that you hope that I will not be shocked if you suddenly write a letter to me. But until now, we’ve not, for once, really sat down and talk. Even if we do sit down and talk, I will feel awkward cos there’s not much to say except for our CCA. I don’t know why I will feel awkward also. Sigh. I don’t know about you. Maybe, to you, I am not as close to you as I thought you were to me. I really hope our bond does not just stop here. I just feel very wasted if we become strangers and not wave hi or chat randomly with each other anymore. Really really hope you are reading this now.

Really, I admit that I have not been doing much as a friend too. I am sorry, friend. But I can say that I have never forgotten anything you’ve done for me or did with me. ((: I also treasure this bond a lot. If not, I would not be so upset if you walk past me without saying HI. I really don’t know how you feel. Maybe you’ve forgotten me. Maybe to you, I seem very unfriendly like last time when I was said to be ‘hot and cold’ to you.

I hope you can understand my character. I am not very outgoing at times. If you prefer to stay as how we’re like now, I’ll respect your decision. Because, as I’ve said, I too has not been giving my all to this friendship and I hope I can do something to ‘save’ it. Haha. (((:

Now, seeing you with your friends, being happy in school, laughing, celebrating and going out with them, I am pleased to see that. Geee. Even if it is from a distance. Maybe our friendship will just end like that? Maybe it can be saved. But whatever you choose to do, I’ll respect your decision. Cos I do not want to disturb you or you friendships. Sometimes, I see you walking with your friends and talking to them so intently, I don’t dare to just walk up and surprise you. Maybe your reaction would just be nonchalant. Haha, I dunno lah. I’ll watch you from a distance and always remember the fun times we used to have. Those laughters, smiles and MY BIRTHDAY!! I’ll never forget how YOU and the rest arranged and planned for my birthday. Thanks, my friend. And, I miss you, friend. I do hope one day, we can go out again and have fun, just like how we used to do.

Readers: maybe I am a sensitive person. I am actually. Perhaps, all these are just trivial matters to you. But to me, I treasure friendships a lot. Hah! I’ll not forget you easily even if you forget me. Just like one of my close friends or used-to-be-close friend in secondary school. A lot has happened; maybe our bond’s not there already, but she’ll always have a special place in my heart. Gee. ((: I miss my friends. Gosh. I am so emotional that some dudes might think I am mad. Oh wells, that’s me.

Treasure your friends. ((: They’re the best gifts that God has given. Friends. Be there when you need them. Quality time with friends is important too, as quoted from my friend, Yinxue. (I miss Yinxue too) Do not take advantage on their good points like patience and tolerance, because one day they might leave you without you knowing why. Dudes! Treasure your friendships. Haha. I know you will, lalala~~~
Good-bye.
Phew, I feel so much better after blogging it out.
And oh! Eileen is so cool and I love her so much. Wahahahaha. XD
END
this person was online @ 10:46 PM

Tuesday, November 11, 2008

TODAY IS 11/11/08.
Well this day is special because I officially own Eileen. Wahaha. Today is our first day. And eleven's dear's favourite number. Hah. so I've set today as the day. ((:

love YOU always
shangyu
this person was online @ 11:11 PM

Tuesday, November 04, 2008

i am sick. -.- but ytd i still went for piano lessons and as usual, dear was waiting for me yeah!!!

this person was online @ 12:59 PM